Tulsi: When at point of impact is when you're the victim. I don't take that away. But what you choose to do afterwards is what determines whether you're going to be a survivor or not, right? Because I'm not taking away the pain and situation of what's happened, far from it. I was a victim at my accident, but I became a survivor after. And for me, anyone can change that dialogue.
Dr Rupy: Welcome to the Doctor's Kitchen podcast with me, Dr Rupy, where we discuss the most important topics and concepts in the medicinal qualities of food and lifestyle. What you will hear on today's podcast is a story of survival, determination, resilience. A story of overcoming one's inner demons and those of society at the same time. Tulsi Bajiani is a healer in many respects, and I hope that her story that she bravely shares with us all today will help you on your journey, whatever your individual obstacles may be. As she says in her own words, you are the survivor of your own story. Tulsi was born premature, she lost her family in an accident, she suffered horrific burns to her body and her face, endured a lifetime of bullying, of low mood, depression. She spontaneously went into renal failure a few years ago. She was on dialysis, she's now a transplant patient, and she is quite possibly the most kind, loving person I have ever met. She exudes energy. She is in, in her own words, the most exciting place in her life right now. She is thankful for everything, and just being in her presence, honestly, made me put so many things in perspective. And it's not just her story and the horrific obstacles that she's had to overcome herself, it's her perspective on life on a nanosecond basis and a minute by minute and hour to hour. It's just who she is, and she is unapologetic for it. I really, really hope you enjoy this podcast. I had such a good time hanging out with her. I could have spoken to her for another few hours. Her perspective and her energy will rub off onto you, I'm sure, as you listen to this. You can also check out the recipe that I made her on the podcast on YouTube and the doctorskitchen.com. Whilst you're there, you can subscribe to the newsletter for weekly science-based recipes and listen to the end of the pod for a summary of our discussion. Please follow Tulsi on socials. All her socials are on the doctorskitchen.com/podcast page. And enjoy this conversation. I certainly did.
Dr Rupy: So when did you have your transplant? When when abouts was that?
Tulsi: I had my transplant 2009. Completely not random per se, but being on dialysis for three years, I was in the midst of doing my degree. So I got diagnosed in the middle of doing my degree. So I literally graduated November 2008. I was renovating my house. Because I had actually, the way I was renovating my house was I'd put in like a video system, a call system. So if I was on dialysis and somebody needed to come into my house and I couldn't get off my machine, I kind of adapted my house for that.
Dr Rupy: Okay.
Tulsi: So I'm in the middle of doing that, and then I get a phone call 5th of Jan 2009. It's Dr blah blah blah from Royal London. We've got a kidney for you. I'm like, who rings at 11 o'clock at night, right? And I've just got on my machine. So I'm thinking, oh my god, what do I do? I'm obviously panicking because we've been taught not to come off our machine unless you're going to the bathroom, blah blah. And I'm like, how long do I have to decide? Because I've got a meeting with the builders and the architects tomorrow. I mean, priority. You know. He's like, this is your life you're talking about. I'm like, oh man, how long do I have to decide? He went, five minutes. I'm like, okay. Like, because at 11, who's going to ring the builders and architects at 11, right? I love how you're still thinking about the builders. It's true, like, yeah, and that's just me. I'm really practical. I'm like, okay, I guess I'm coming in, but I should be out in a few days. And he's just like, wait until you just get here. So I ring my auntie and uncle, who are not even in East London. They were in Northwest London. I don't know why I thought of them. It's just one of those, they came to my mind. So they came rushing over, took me to hospital. They're just talking about, right, this is a procedure. I mean, I've had so many operations, it's like, yeah, I get the protocol. But what I wasn't prepared for is the medication, what's going to happen. In my head, you told you about that before? Yeah, but it was such a long time ago. And for me, I don't live like I'm waiting for that phone call. I've never been that person. I'm very much just get up and go and get on with it. And my, that's why I adapted my house because I never envisaged a kidney was going to come up. And if it did, great. If it doesn't, oh well. I'm very much like that. So when this kidney comes along, it's like, this wasn't part of the plan. You know? Rocked me a bit here. But yeah, so they called me in, had the operation, but in my head, where I've bounced back from other surgery, in my head, in three days, I'm going home. I didn't get the severity of what has just happened. Like, this is a life-changing operation, right? Well, whole life-saving as well. But I just took it as like, you know, you just go in and, I don't know, have a stitch or something. You know, like, not a big thing. And so I guess I didn't realise how severe this thing was until when the drugs have, the anaesthetics worn off, the painkillers are starting, you're more aware and conscious, and then suddenly my body can't move. And I'm like, what's going on? But you know, now, like, after surgery, they get you to get out of bed because of clotting and things like that. So I got out of bed and the doctor's watched me and they're like, how did you do that? And I'm like, I don't know. And then they looked at the morphine rate of how much, you know, somebody clicks. They go, you've not even used it. And I'm like, oh, okay, I thought I was pressing it, but I don't know. Maybe I was hallucinating or something, right? So, anyway, so, yeah, and he's like, he's watching me. And because I was doing Pilates at the time, I can only put it down to like my core stability helping me. Because obviously the operation took place in the right sort of groin area, that's where they transplanted the kidney. So obviously they've severed through the abdominal muscles and everything else. But when he watched me walk to the bathroom, he was just amazed at how strong I was. And that's why I said, I'm going to go home in three days. And he said, no, you're not. Well, actually, I did go home in three days.
Dr Rupy: Really? You went home in three days?
Tulsi: I went home in three days.
Dr Rupy: I tell you what, this does really speak to the power of the mind right here, because your resilience for everything that you've done up to that point has probably been the reason why you were able to recover so rapidly. I mean, that is unheard of.
Tulsi: Yeah, but then I said having that, like, I went home thinking this is great. I was in a lot of pain, don't get me wrong. It wasn't like I was free from it, but I thought I know what surgery pain feels like, so it's not really a big deal. I'll just go home and recover. I know. It's not a big deal. Of course, it's a big deal. But that's what I was like. And then, anyway, I got home, I didn't like my sofa, I didn't like my bed, everything was uncomfortable. I was like, that's unusual because that's the first place you think of as being your comfort, right? And then as being part of a renal patient, you've got to go for a regular clinic three times a week just to make sure your dosages and everything are fine, just to make sure everything's functioning. So I've now gone into clinic and I've explained about this pain I was getting in my leg. And I just put it down to surgery. The thing is I wasn't passing urine. So they just thought, okay, it can be normal because obviously the body's getting used to it. And every time I went in, I just, there's this pain, but I'm okay. But one of the blood results showed, um, just some sort of abnormality. And then I said, I'm not really feeling well. And then they realised there was a cyst in my kidney. Just, well, they thought I had a cyst in my kidney because I was leaking urine in my body. So I wasn't passing it. So my whole body was flared up three times the size of what I was. And I was so tender, like they couldn't even cannulate me. So that was like, no one could touch me, basically. Anyway, I had a drain put in, a nephrostomy. I had that done, and obviously it was drained everything out, and I can't believe how relieved my body felt. And that's when they realised that something's not right. So anyway, then they did a re-exploration of the kidney.
Dr Rupy: How long after your initial transplant?
Tulsi: Two weeks after the initial transplant.
Dr Rupy: And you thought the pain I was in was just normal surgery pain. Oh my god.
Tulsi: That's what I mean. That's why I'm like, I know. So like, I've gone in, they've done that, and then they're like, we're going to have to operate. We can't avoid this now. And so they operate. So they've done a re-exploration of the kidney. They've taken it out, cleansed it, found there's a cyst, tried to sort of seal that, kind of reposition the bladder again. My old ureter they've managed to use now. So like a whole lot of stuff going on. And then I've come out of surgery, I can't feel my leg, my right leg. And I'm like, are you kidding me? After everything. But that's what scared me because not me, but because my grandparents who I live with, I can't, they can't be my carers now, not the age they are. I should be looking after them. And that freaked me out. And so I said, I'm not leaving this ward unless I'm walking out of it. So they actually assigned me a physiotherapist pretty much 24 hours a day, literally. And I just rehabbed the whole time, constantly.
Dr Rupy: You're in your early 20s at this point, is that?
Tulsi: No, um, just 30.
Dr Rupy: 30. Wow, okay.
Tulsi: Just before my 30, yeah. And so I just did all my rehab from my knowledge about, you know, doing it at uni and in Pilates and so every constantly, whilst even when the physio went there, I was on it all the time. And then sort of by the second week, I was sort of walking to the bathroom with a bit of aid. And then third week, it was unaided. And then fourth week, I went home. Wow. And then got home, which was fine. And then just normal clinic and I had this really awful chest because, you know, you get sometimes you can get lung infections and stuff.
Dr Rupy: Because you were on the medication, so you're more prone to it.
Tulsi: More prone to it. So I thought I just had a lung infection. Then they thought I had TB. So they put me in isolation. Right. Which was cool because my own room, you know. I love that positive energy. Honestly, you emit this positive like energy, Tulsi. It's incredible. And it comes out in your stories as well. I love that. Cool, own room, yeah, you know. So then they put me in isolation, realised it's not, it's a really bad chest infection. So, and I can't remember the medication because it's such a long time ago, but it's one that they have to cover. You know the one, it's like a yellow one and you've got to cover it, you can't expose it to sunlight.
Dr Rupy: Okay, yes, yeah, yeah, I know the one.
Tulsi: So I had to be on that for six weeks. So I'm back in for six weeks. So anyway, I leave now, it's nearly my 30th birthday, which I actually was really ill. So two weeks after that, I gets better. It gets better, yeah. Two weeks after that, I've just gone out to Leicester to visit a friend. We're out sort of partying. And I'm still feeling unwell, but I put it down to, you know, maybe a bit more too much drinking maybe. A few much cocktails. I've gone back into clinic, like regular clinic. And they go, how are you still standing? I'm like, what do you know about the weekend? They're like, no, like, there's no white blood cells, you're neutropenic. I'm like, what does even that mean now? Like, what have I acquired now, right? Straight from clinic into isolation, was not allowed, no visitors, nobody. Of course, yeah. And they read my last rites then.
Dr Rupy: Really?
Tulsi: Yeah, so that was the second time they read my last rites. But the other time I wasn't so aware of it. But they read it and they're because we don't know what's going to happen. And I think they were quite, docs were quite scared.
Dr Rupy: So the first time they were scared, you didn't actually realise that you were on the edge.
Tulsi: Yeah. Oh wow. And that was when they inserted the nephrostomy.
Dr Rupy: Yeah, around that time.
Tulsi: And then, so when this time they did it, I was like, okay, this is a bit serious, but all right. But I didn't think nothing of it in sense of like, what do you mean I'm not going to make it? Like, that's not an option. But for them, because I mean, you know this more than anyone in terms of medical, you don't know how a body's going to react to something because you're not that person, right? You can make presumptions, but on a cellular level, you can't, right? So that's what was going on here. And but for me, there was no option not to be alive, if that makes sense, you know? But for them, anyway, they took me off one of the medications, one of the immunosuppressants I was on. Because that was kind of causing problems, but they couldn't pinpoint that's exactly what it was. Anyway, they took me off it. About a week and a half into taking it off, my white markers started to come up. So they realised I was toxic to that MMF, mycophenolate. So, so that was that. Okay. So after that, I've recovered. So two, I think two weeks I was in for that. And then, but so now you talked about my mind. Oddly enough, I did have a strong mind until I had my transplant. But in amongst the time I was ill, like in and out, I didn't feel strong because I wasn't in control of me again. Do you know, I because now, I think we're all hard on ourselves, right? Like, why can't we just do this? But I think what came to me one of the nights, you know, like in hospital, everyone's in pain, it's kind of eerie, you can't sort of sleep and stuff. And I don't know, I'm not really religious or anything by all means. I had a bit of spiritual belief, but a picture of Krishna came up. I was like, that's a bit random. And it was more, in my mind, yeah, like just very clear. And if I could draw, I'd draw it out for you, but it was so clear. But all I got, the message coming back to me was, you need to surrender because what you can't control, you need to let go. And I was like, what on earth does that mean? And so I again being on prednisolone or the immunosuppressant, I'm like, literally thought I was hallucinating. But there's so much truth in that because I realised every time I was coming in, I was doing all the right things. I was, you know, drinking my over two litres of fluid, cutting down on this. Why am I keep coming back in? But I realised what the medication is doing in my body, I can't control that. Right? Like, I can't control what that medication is doing inside. It's going to do what it's going to do. And that's when things started to shift for me generally, and I started to feel better in myself. But there were points I said, I want to give up because it was just too much. Whereas on dialysis, I was great. I was still partying, I was still going to uni. I didn't lead a normal life, what I call normal. Yeah, because my, that's my new normal. And I was all right with that. You know? But then I've got infections, I'm in and out. And you were just for the listener, how long were you waiting for that transplant for?
Tulsi: Three years.
Dr Rupy: Three years, okay. Wow.
Tulsi: Yeah.
Dr Rupy: And you've been on dialysis for that time as well.
Tulsi: Yeah. Because from being diagnosed in April 2006 to the actual kidneys failing was only four months. So when I got diagnosed, it was, it was literally end stage renal failure. But when I heard that, after my biopsy, I thought, all I heard was you're dying. I didn't hear my consultant say there's options. I just heard you're dying because end stage to me, that's what it means. So that took a while for me to grasp. And I was like, it's fine. Just get on with it. And so after all that, the extra troubles that you had the second time round, and you had this image of Krishna come up and immersing yourself in surrendering to whatever happens. What happened after that?
Tulsi: Well, so what happened was was more like, I can get through this. Don't get me wrong, there weren't, it wasn't like plain sailing from then. Of course. Um, because it was literally I was still in and out of hospital. Um, so there was lots of, um, recurring, um, UTIs, um, urine infections, um, my sugar levels were all over the place, but not enough to maybe put me on sort of, you know, metformin or anything like that just yet. Um, trying to build the body up again, um, then being admitted back into hospital, there was an infection. So every time there's a pain around the kidney site, quick emergency, get her in, do a scan. So it was all of that. And that lasted almost four or five years. Wow. Yeah, on and off. Um, but what got better was I wasn't so hard on myself. And then I took it in my stride every time I had to go hospital. And it was quite funny because my friends used to call me the queen back then. And being at the Royal London, they'd be like, she's gone for her residency. And because I had my own room there, literally. You had your own room. Yeah, the queen's residency. Yeah, that's it. So it was just a running joke. I'm just going for some respite. Um, but touchwood, I haven't had an admission. That's amazing. Well, that's amazing. Well, I say that. 2011, I broke my ankle because, um, I wasn't absorbing a lot of the calcium. So they obviously we have DEXA scans and stuff, but it didn't detect anything per se. Um, and anyway, I broke my ankle. So I think my thing is when I'm well, I want to do everything. I'm like, yeah, I can conquer the world. But I don't realise or respect the fact rest is so important in that to do minimal as possible for me to recover. My idea of resting is like meeting people for lunch, dinner, going out and, you know, that's my idea of rest, but that's not what it was. So obviously I learned the hard way. Um, anyway, I broke my ankle and I was like, that's the universe now saying you need to listen. So I was off, um, so they said because of your break and your, you know, your medicines and things, the recovery is going to take six months. I was like, six months with my granddad and watching Asian TVs, not happening. And he's like, it will. And then I said, you don't know. You don't know how bad Asian TV is. Exactly. It's so bad and it's dire. So anyway, within two months, I went back to work. Oh, good, good.
Dr Rupy: Your your story of resilience, I mean, that's just one element of your life, right? I mean, there's another story, we'll probably get into that a little bit later. But Pilates and uh, spiritualism, how did you get into that? When when did that start for you?
Tulsi: So Pilates started year 2000. So, um, the word depression, which is obviously we're using a lot more now. At that time, you're talking 2000, it's not something you kind of threw around, you know, you didn't even admit to it. You didn't even know you were in it, sort of thing. Um, so I was in the midst of my depression that time. So not being able to get a job based on how I looked, um, and my way after abusing drugs and alcohol to sort of suppress the pain, I started to eat. Now, comfort eating is something we don't talk about. We mention it, but we don't refer to it as an eating disorder. But I mean, I talk about it now because it is an eating disorder because I was eating everything and anything just to suppress that pain. Um, so obviously as I'm eating, of course, the weight's piling on. I don't notice the weight piling on because me buying bigger clothes, I couldn't tell. Um, obviously everyone around me is watching this. You need to lose weight, you know, you're fat, all of these kind of things. And I'm like, okay, I know I need to do something, but it's it's a case of it's easier said than done, like go to the gym. Like that's not solving anything, right? That's helping with your fitness, but what about the mind? You know, um, because you can feel good for the hour that you do the workout and after, but then what, when the sort of come down comes down, what do you do? So I went to the gym with my auntie. So this is three years into my depression. And I thought, okay, if I go with her, it's okay, I've got company. And then I heard about Pilates because at that time it was one of those fads, you know, that trends. And I I read a lot of celeb magazines and it was in there and I was like, what is Pilates? Because it was such a cool thing. So I read about it and I was like, okay. I went to the gym and they actually did a class there. So I thought I'll go to do it. This is your local gym. Local gym, East London, yeah. And then, um, that day the instructor who was there, she was a cover teacher. But anyway, she was really great. There was about 10 of us. And then we were all sitting and she said to us to lift our legs. Now, everyone did it except me, but in my head, I thought I'm lifting my legs. And she goes, no, lift your leg. I said, I am. And that's when I realised how weak my body was. Because in my head, I could do it, but not my body. I was like, then I felt like a real failure because how can you not lift your legs? Because there was a guy who was a lot older than me and he was really flexible. And I think I thought, okay, I can't come back to a class now because I feel really paranoid. So I spoke to her, I said, do you do one to one? She goes, yeah. I didn't realise, but actually I was her first student. So she just kind of, you know, graduated, so to speak. And, um, she started to train me, so my body got stronger. I loved it. My body shape was changing. Everything was changing. And with these type of sort of mind body type of exercises, there's a lot of stuff going on that even we can't sort of palpate, you know, like, um, you don't know what sort of mind shifts are happening within you, but I was feeling good. I had this thing, I'd call I call my false confidence. Externally, I look really confident, full of life, but internally, I wasn't. Despite doing any kind of thing, exercise and eating well. Um, so I did Pilates. I thought, great, I was feeling strong. I was holding planks for five minutes. You know, like my body outside didn't reflect how strong I was inside though. And then I started uni, and in the midst of doing my uni degree is when my kidneys failed. So, but I still was able to do Pilates, but I had the catheter fitted into my abdomen because I was on peritoneal dialysis. So I couldn't do a lot of abdominal based exercises, but I would still do some. So I was still kind of being a bit strong in my body. But my body went completely weak after my transplant. And that's the struggle I've had. And now I'm rebuilding that.
Dr Rupy: Isn't that amazing how physically you were at your strongest and that's when you got your diagnosis of renal failure.
Tulsi: Yeah. And that's why I think my head couldn't get around the fact of, but I'm doing really well. But obviously this type of illness was going to hit regardless, right? Um, and the looking back on it, like, not that there was a known cause, but the suspected cause was because I was premature born, the part in our kidney that develops the blood pressure actually hadn't. And so I was kind of almost born with high blood pressure, so to speak. Um, and it was not really detected because I've been for blood pressure, but it doesn't look that high. But in respect, it was quite high. So when I got diagnosed, it was ridiculously high. And within doing my blood test to going into A&E was only four days. And you know, when you do a blood test at a GP sort of thing, it's about two weeks you get your results, give and take. These came back in four days. So even my GP was like, I don't want to alarm you, but I need to get you to A&E now. And he was a legend, absolute legend, yeah.
Dr Rupy: I'm glad you said that. We don't get too many stories of GPs.
Tulsi: I mean, I have high respect. Like, how can you not? How can you not? You know? You guys are like legends. NHS workers, you're amazing. Um, no, but yeah, so Pilates, that's how I came into it. But that's what's got me through it. That knowledge of anatomy and physiology has got me functioning. Like, even when I broke my ankle, those books were out. My foot position has to be like this, my knee position, constantly. And that's how I was able to rehab my ankle. And then like the physios were like, we're going to get you to come and do weight bearing exercises. But by the time I got my appointment, I was going to do 10%, I was on 75% weight bearing. Because I was already doing it. And I don't know what 10% or 50%, I don't know what that is. How do you measure that? So they're like, okay, you don't need physio, but maybe you'd be beneficial in the like the group sort of activity. I went in the group group activity was great, but the guy was like, what are you doing here? You're already, you're doing everything. I can't give you any more to do.
Dr Rupy: These sorts of mind body interventions like yoga and Pilates, I absolutely love. I think they're incredible and I think so many people, and you're a testament to this, could benefit from those sorts of interventions. But and it's interesting that you found out about Pilates from a celeb magazine because they're the ones that usually promote it. But I think it's got a kind of like um, air of middle class uh, you know, elitism around it, which is a shame because it is at its very core something that a lot of people could benefit from. I know that my me doing my yoga in the in the mornings and and you know, stretching exercise and stuff at least a couple of times a week is fantastic, not only for my body but also my mindset as well. And I just think sometimes there can be that little barrier like, oh, this isn't for you. This is just for like if you look a certain way, if you're accepted in that certain way. Have you have you come across that yourself?
Tulsi: Oh, and yeah, like the actual story around the whole thing with Joseph Pilates, bless him, was he wanted to make it rehab. Because that's what it was. He was rehabbing um, wounded soldiers in the First World War. Because that's how he, you know, when he came over to the UK, he got them to, you know, on the hospital beds, he was doing the pulleys and the straps and that, and that's how he got them to rehab. And that's how his reformer bed is um, designed. But when it went over to America, and the dancers and the gymnasts got hold of it, it became elite. Now, when I, I mean, I'm an instructor myself. So for me, it was very important. I'm very grounded in that I'm about community. And if rehab is working for me, I want to be able to give that. So I was doing classes and it sounds ridiculous when I say this, but for two, three pound per person.
Dr Rupy: Really?
Tulsi: Because I didn't care. I just want to get this message out there. And so even now, I still tell people go for it. If I could teach for free, like I would. But physically, I'm helping myself at the moment to rehab my body before I can help anyone. Because when I was teaching, I was still recovering from my transplant. So carrying all this, you know, like equipment.
Dr Rupy: Oh, is that when you became a teacher after your transplant?
Tulsi: Yeah.
Dr Rupy: I didn't realise that. I thought you became a teacher before that and then, oh my god, Tulsi, you're even more of a legend, I swear. How are you doing all this stuff?
Tulsi: Yeah, but that's what kept me going though.
Dr Rupy: That's incredible.
Tulsi: So that for me, but that's still my thing. Everyone should have access to it because it is a rehab system. It's an extension of physiotherapy, right?
Dr Rupy: Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I love Pilates. I I do the reformer stuff. Sometimes I find it difficult to get into classes. But where do you teach? Do you teach in like a community?
Tulsi: I'm not, I'm not teaching at the moment. But yeah, I was more community based.
Dr Rupy: That's amazing.
Tulsi: Yeah, but I go, I use reformers now.
Dr Rupy: Yeah, yeah. Do you ever do the stuff without the need for the machines?
Tulsi: No.
Dr Rupy: No, okay.
Tulsi: Your your story of resilience, I mean, that's just one element of your life, right? I mean, there's another story, we'll probably get into that a little bit later. But when did you turn into a motivational speaker?
Tulsi: Literally by accident. Really? Totally. Like, I mean, stage fright, come on. Like, insecurities, standing in front of people, like, that's just scary. You know, but I think as my journey of self-love was starting, that's sort of when this fell into place. And um, I know, like, I'm here for a greater purpose than just this, you know, like, I know why I need to share my story. It's not because it's been, you know, a walk in the park, but it's showing that that mindset and that inner strength we all have. You can use it. You are allowed to access that. And you don't have to, as I always say, like, when at point of impact is when you're the victim. I don't take that away. But what you choose to do afterwards is what determines whether you're going to be a survivor or not, right? Because I'm not taking away the pain and situation of what's happened, far from it. I was a victim at my accident, but I became a survivor after. And for me, anyone can change that dialogue.
Dr Rupy: One of the most amazing things I've heard you say, I think, in a video, I can't remember what it was now, but it was that we are all survivors of our own story. And I think that's so powerful because you don't need to have gone through as much adversity as you have, obviously, throughout your entire life. Like, I didn't realise that you were born premature until now either. Everyone has their own obstacles to overcome. And it can be as big or as small as anything on the face of it. But depending on how that is to you as an individual is what the the the biggest issue is. And the fact that you can overcome that is it's incredible. I mean, no wonder you you're a motivational speaker.
Tulsi: Well, but like, I think even people say to me now, like, oh, my problems aren't as big as yours. And I'm like, but how do you know if mine are big though? That's that's so. Do you know what I mean? Like, you've just determined how big and small my thing is compared to you. But I said, you're going through it, so it's big to you. Don't measure it against mine. I said, I won't wish this on anyone, you know what I mean? But I've been given it for a reason, whatever it is, you know. Um, but you're dealing with this. Like, look, you've survived today. Come on, man. You've give yourself credit.
Dr Rupy: Do you do one to one at all?
Tulsi: Yeah. Oh, that's my favourite. But I think for me, I mean, I became a Reiki master just early this year. And I didn't realise why I had to become one because I just thought maybe I'm just meant to put, you know, like there's a couch, come and do healing. But that's not me. I'm not, I am designed to do one to one, that I love. But for me, it's about spreading that message in a more of a bigger capacity. So when I do my talks now, um, each of, I I scout the whole venue, I, you know, I put energy into there, each chair, I give proper love and, you know, so when someone sits down, they instantly feel good. Instantly, because I've just put that magic on there. Just my good intentions. It's nothing more graphic than that, you know? It's just lots of love and kindness, compassion. That's it. And when they sit down, they literally feel like, yeah. And I watch that. And for me, that's why I know I had to become a Reiki master because I'm here to give that to people.
Dr Rupy: That's amazing. I I remember we actually had um, a Reiki practitioner come into our paediatric ICU unit. My old consultant in Brighton uh, used to be a real big advocate for mind body interventions. And obviously with the parents' permissions and we'd offer it to them for free, you know, the Reiki master would come in and and help them um, uh, with stresses and talk to them as well. I mean, it's so powerful. And just putting that love and intention in, I think is I'm definitely going to do that next time I do a talk actually. And especially like a smaller venue because that sort of like frames your your mindset as well. And it probably helps with stage fright, I reckon.
Tulsi: But I think, look, if you think about like love in respect, like kindness goes such a long way that somebody who's had a really lousy day, for example, and you just give them a bit of kindness or attention, it can change a lot for them. And like me growing up, I grew up in a really beautiful loving family, like my mom, my dad, and my brother. But after that, because that was gone at the age of 10, I was looking for that unconditional love. I was looking for that paternal, maternal love, but I didn't get it. So obviously I've been without. Therefore, I didn't love myself. So those things that I was dealing with, if I had that compassion for myself, I think I would have been a lot more kinder and more confident a lot earlier in my journey than a lot later. So I I don't see it as wasted by all means. But my self-love journey has only started what, six, seven years ago. But if anyone meets me, they presume I've always been this confident. But it's not. It's still an ongoing battle. But that's why I see the importance of love and compassion because that goes a long way.
Dr Rupy: Do you know when you see those programs and there's like, if you could have smell-o-vision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just going to say this is amazing.
Tulsi: I'd I'd be hard, right, as a vegetarian not to like vegetables. I can't imagine. No. Totally. Oh my god, that's so cool.
Dr Rupy: All right, how do you do this so like fancified?
Tulsi: You don't need to do it fancified. I can hold it if you want.
Dr Rupy: No, no, it's okay. You sure? Are you going to fall over your stool? Yeah, you can imagine. Yeah. Try and get some of the hummus in there as well. I think.
Tulsi: It's all about the cauliflower. Yeah, it's straight for the cauliflower. Oh my god, that's so divine.
Dr Rupy: Good?
Tulsi: That's so inspiring.
Dr Rupy: Oh, good. I'm glad.
Tulsi: I can do this.
Dr Rupy: You can. I mean, you saw me do it whilst we were having a chat.
Tulsi: I'll I'll do it often because I won't be allowed to eat cauliflower often. But you can use the spices and do it with things like new potatoes, you could do it with broccoli, you could do it with some of the other low purine uh, vegetables.
Dr Rupy: Broccoli is a low purine?
Tulsi: Uh, I don't think it's on the moderate purine uh, uh, list. So I think that should be okay. Yeah. It's just spinach, mushrooms, asparagus that you can't have in your particular diet as a renal patient, but other than that.
Dr Rupy: So could you do this with other vegetables like as in?
Tulsi: Mushrooms, yeah, yeah. You could do it with um, parsnips, uh, turnips, swede, um, those are in season right now. Even butternut squash, if you chop it fine enough, you could pop that in there.
Dr Rupy: That would be so cool. Yeah. Just give me ideas for Christmas.
Tulsi: I will.
Dr Rupy: So we met via, I saw you do a talk, um, I don't know whether it was one of your first talks, um, at the same, but you you were so inspiring and it was so um, it was really moving, really, really moving talk. a mutual friend of ours, Rina, um, it was at the Women Empowered event, which is awesome. Um, but you told your story and there was pin drop silence in the room. Um, would you mind sharing that um, with us?
Tulsi: Remind me what it was now. So you took, I was about to tell you your story there. Yeah, recap my story, please. Were you listening? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I listened to every single word. I could probably recite it, but yeah, I'll let you.
Tulsi: Yeah, I mean, so obviously I got invited um, by Rina and a few other friends who are part of the Women Empowered group. Um, but you know, obviously most of my story started at the age of 10. So I lost my mom, dad, and my brother in a plane crash. So we'd gone to India to go and visit my great granddad, um, so my dad's granddad, who he hadn't seen for 23 years. So since he left India, he'd never seen him. So my dad thought before I start high school, I'll take the kids on holiday and we'll see a bit of India as a culture and everything. So, um, the accident happened on the 14th of February. I mean, you can't forget that date. But I'd been in India only a week prior to that. So I'd gone to see my great granddad. Um, our luggage was lost and then returned back to Bombay at the time, it's Mumbai now, but um, so we went, we'll go and pick up our luggage, we'll do touring of the south and then we'll come back. So me and my brother were fighting to want to go Goa because we'd only seen Goa as the beach and we presume that's what all of India looks like. So when you see the whole poverty and animals and everything roaming the street, it's like, wow, huge culture shock. Um, but we took it in our stride, but um, yeah, me and my brother was fighting to go Goa. But um, my parents said, no, we're going to Bangalore first. I thought, we don't even know what this place is, never heard of it. Um, so obviously we're really excited. And all I kind of remember of that is um, fighting with my brother again, lots of fighting happens in siblings, I guess. But um, he got his way because he's the youngest, so he got to sit by the window. And I wanted to sit by the window because sort of for the first time you saw like blue skies and green fields. And of course, like living in the UK, we don't see blue skies, we see green fields, but not blue skies. So for me that was really fascinating. He got his way, and then literally the next thing I remember is my grandmother's voice. But my grandma, we'd left back in the UK. So I'm like, what is she doing here? And it wasn't a voice that was on the telephone, it was a voice like how I'm talking to you now, very close. So in my head, I thought she's come to surprise us. But my grandma and probably a lot of women at that age and generation, they never cried or showed their emotions. But she was crying, so I thought that's a bit bizarre if you've come to surprise me. And then she's telling me, she goes, no, you've been involved in an accident, you're in hospital. So again, I'm like, what do you mean I'm in hospital? I'm fighting with my brother. How can I be in hospital? And she's saying to me, but your mom, dad and, my brother, they've passed away. I go, what does that even mean? I go, how can they? I'm fighting with my brother, like, come on. And then that's all I remember. I don't remember if there was any more conversation than that. And then um, I don't know how much time has passed because accident happened on the 14th of Feb, but I'm sort of flown back or I've arrived in the UK on the 17th of um, February. So those three um, days could be two minutes for all I know. Then I hear a young medic's voice, um, which we've already spoke about, but um, this young medic's voice was like, um, Tulsi, um, you know, I'm the young doctor here, um, it's my first week here. Um, there's been a big emergency, all the doctors are there. I'm going to be looking after you, don't be scared. And I thought, okay, didn't think nothing of it. Then the next sort of voice I'm hearing is um, some sort of not air traffic commotion, but sort of, you know, that kind of noise. And then I realised I'm in an air ambulance flown back to the UK. I'm flown back to UK, then I hear my cousin's and my aunt's and uncle's voices. So I was like, why is everyone here for this surprise? Like, I've left everyone back in the UK. Why is everyone in India? So I still have no concept of where I am. Still feel like I'm probably on the plane. And then um, they're all telling me, Tulsi, you've been involved in an accident, mom, dad and Gush didn't make it. You look different. So as a 10-year-old, it's like, where's my mom and dad? What is what is all this that they're saying? Like, what is going on? And my eyes are bandaged, so I can't even see anyone. I can only hear them. And as they're delivering that news, to me, it doesn't mean nothing. It's sort of in one ear and out the other. And then um, I don't know, I I feel I've been supported because the nurses and the doctors that were taking care of me at the burns unit in St. Andrew's in Billericay were fantastic. Um, obviously friendly, I had my own room because of infections and things. Um, and obviously limited visitors, but every day for the six months that I was, well, four to six months I was in hospital, my family came every day. Kids included, um, everyone, because there was never a moment where I wasn't with a family member. Even if they were in the waiting room, they'd just came to the waiting room, they'd come to the window to see me and go. So for me, like, I was supported. But because I had bandages on my eyes, I have no idea what looking different is about. And obviously in and out of surgery, you know, people always say to me like, like when I complain about an iron burn, they're like, how can you like you've had all this, but when you're in that kind of pain, it's like, you're on under sedation, right? And you're under painkillers of all sorts. I don't remember that pain, you know? Um, so an iron burn hurts, man. It hurts. So yeah, so then I'm in and out of surgery and then sort of, I'm guessing about four to six weeks after my accident, um, the doctors obviously want to check my eyesight and everything else and make sure I'm okay. And um, and so we're going to remove the bandages from your eyes. So I said, does that mean I can see myself in the mirror? So obviously they're a bit alarmed going, what do you mean? Like, who's that enthusiastic about seeing themselves in a mirror? But I'm like, but I want to know what looking different really looks like. Um, so of course, you know, I've had the social worker was there, the nurses and the doctors, my consultant and a few nurses, just to make sure I'm going to be okay. So they remove the bandages, obviously check for the eyes. So I said, can I see myself now? And they're still very dubious, like, okay, but I said, just give me the mirror. But when I looked in the mirror, the person looking back wasn't me. I'm like, who is this person? I really thought somebody drew that face on. Because who is that? That's not me. But when that person in the mirror was moving their mouth and their eyes and stuff, I realised that's me. Now, whether I was naive or optimistic, I really felt, okay, this isn't really a big deal because in a year it's all going to go. Like there's going to be this magic cloth, the scars are going to go, it's okay. I suppose I felt scared because that's not me, but I also thought like I said, I had this magic cloth, it's going to go away. Um, then I looked at my left hand and there was like metal sort of rods sticking out to straighten the fingers. Red blistering skin, obviously bandaged. And I think I felt a bit upset. But it's in that I've realised something's happened. Like it's sort of, ah, something's actually happened now. Then I pieced together what everyone had been saying and I thought, is this what they meant? But I'm still asking for my mum and dad, like, why are they not here? Now, for about the next two to three years after that, I was still convinced that they'd lost their passport and they're trying to come back. That's all I thought of. So it's almost like, it's okay, they're probably having their medical treatment, they're going to get their passport and then they're going to come back. So that's what I believed because that's what helped me get through it. Um, my grandparents took me in, so my dad's side. Um, and they were fantastic. Um, my granddad's still alive, I live with him now to annoy him further. It's the best thing. Um, but they did everything to the best of their like their ability, but looking back on it, the dedication they put into taking care of me was incredible. Um, because my granddad used to work then, come home, get in the car, drive to hospital. Like I live in East London, um, the hospital was in Billericay, Essex. So you're talking about an hour's journey. They used to do that, used to cook the food, bring it in, then go home. And you know, four or five months they did that. So my granddad had raised the last of his child, who was 21. So my uncle was 21 at the time. So they've done the parenting, but they've started all over again with me. Um, I was never without, you know, I suppose I was probably overly spoiled probably. But I just thought again, they're just doing everything that my parents would do and they're going to come for me. Um, so that's how it, the story sort of started. But it's not just that because when I left hospital, um, I thought everyone's going to be kind and caring, just like the nurses and the doctors are, just like everyone else has been. So in my naive world probably, or again, optimistic world was no one's, there's nothing to judge. This is just who I am. But that's when it started, the bullying, the name calling, um, people crossing the street in case they caught something, um, people throwing things at me in case I reacted, do I have emotions? Um, just foul language, you know, all of those things. And I thought, wow, but no one prepares you for that. Because of course, in hospital everything like it is safety. So it's funny, I really I read an article somewhere about somebody saying going to hospital, they they find a sense of belonging, they feel safe. And I get that because every time I'm in a hospital environment, if I'm especially if I'm as a patient, I feel safe. And not because of the whole team taking care of the medicine side of things, but people who just get you. There's no judgment. They're just doing their job, but they're taking care of you. And I think that's what was missing a lot of my life, you know, like someone taking care of me. So I think that's why I found comfort in like hospitals and my nurses and everything. And I suppose that's probably why I respect the doctors and nurses that much more. I think that level of respect I have for them.
Dr Rupy: How did you deal with that period of your life when you were a teenager and you were having to undergo, you know, you were you were being shouted at, being called names, bullying. How how on earth did you get through that?
Tulsi: Um, I then sort of took it upon myself, maybe this is normal and I suppose I accepted it. And who am I going to turn to to talk about it? Because no one's really going to understand. And I guess culturally growing up as well, like in an Asian culture, it's like, we don't talk about anything and nothing bad exists, so to speak. So, you know, in Asian communities, depression doesn't exist, miscarriages don't happen, nothing happens. Everything's great and glamorized, right? So I couldn't turn to anyone. Um, and as far as my family and everyone else was concerned, T's getting on with her life, so everything's great. Um, so I'd suffer in silence to be honest. So I'd just be like, this is normal. Um, surely everyone goes through this. So if um, a friend who's not got a visible scar was being bullied for whatever reason, again, I thought, okay, it's not just me then, everyone experiences it. So I think that's how I downplayed it. Um, it's only when so many years and I've been in like support groups so to speak or connected to charities, I realised it wasn't just me who'd suffer such extreme bullying based on the way I looked. Um, because there's a lot worse.
Dr Rupy: Do you think that cultural element has changed over the last few years in terms of the taboo around depression, mental health issues? Obviously, you mentioned earlier, you know, people weren't even aware of the word depression or, you know, weren't aware that other people can experience this. But now I think we're a bit more accepting. Do you think that's actually passed on to the Asian culture? Because I I resonate with that quite a bit.
Tulsi: It is, um, it is filtering into our um, Asian community. Um, I'm really hot. So I was running away from dealing with anything to do with Asian community. And I thought because I don't want to deal with that taboo side of things. And I was like, no, if someone's going to do it, it's going to be you, T. So I, I literally address the elephant in the room, so to speak. And I know people get really uncomfortable, but it's in uncomfortability is where growth is going to happen. Conversation is going to start. And I talk about things I've experienced in my life which could even apply to you. Um, loss, for example. Loss doesn't always have to be associated with a person or a parent. It can be a loss of a job, loss of your um, independence. It can be anything. So the word loss applies to all of us in some aspects. So the emotions attached to loss is what's universal. You know, loss, the kind of things you're going to experience in loss is what I'm going to experience. How we're going to deal with it and cope with it is going to change the dialogue, right? That's the difference. So when I give these talks out, I simplify everything. And that's when people realise that, ah, it wasn't that bad after all. I don't have to live with this in silence. I can share it. And sure, I'm going to get judged, I might get ridiculed, but if I tell the 10th person, that's maybe where it's going to end. So the chain will break somewhere. And I'm happy to be that person who breaks the chains because I haven't come here to play it down. No way. I'm here to open conversations that are really uncomfortable. And that's where I like that, you know, that's where I like to see people grow from that.
Dr Rupy: There was a lot of parallel, I think, in the emotions experienced from one person to the other, and they don't necessarily need to have the same literal experience in life.
Tulsi: That's it. Exactly. Like, I don't, someone who's 10 and lost their parents and a brother, I don't need to resonate with them. They don't need to resonate with me. But someone who's lost a job, now, you're a man here, um, you know this more than anyone, the pressure men carry, people don't talk about that, do they? So if you lost your job, the pressure on you would be a lot tougher than it would be on a woman. But why? It should be the same, no? Because you're still attached to the stigma of men need to do this, they need to provide this. You're carrying that. But what about the woman? She's also carrying that, but no one talks about that because it's okay. But it's not okay, is it? Right? But that's still a loss. That's a huge loss because you've lost your independence, you've lost the ability to go out and see your friends or whatever, because you now need to think about saving or whatever, you know? So, but no one talks about that. And I think that's where, that's what hurts me more. And I'm really hot on talking about mental health in the with men. With men. And this is quite funny because a lot of my friends will laugh at this because I have a lot of masculine energy. So I understand men more than probably I understand women. And it's really weird because growing up, it's quite funny now, but my granddad used to just treat me like one of his sons. Even now, like things he we talk about is what he would do with his sons effectively. And then he remembers like, oh yeah, she's she's my little girl. I'm like, it's fine. But but then that's what I'm saying. I get I like I understand that because no one talks about it. That's the bit I like. That's things I like to exploring things that people don't talk about.
Dr Rupy: Did you always have this air of like getting on with things um, throughout your late teens and early 20s or is this something that you've had to develop more recently?
Tulsi: I've always had it. I've always had this fighting spirit. So again, back to bullying. Um, before my accident, so in school, I was quite one of the popular ones. Um, I don't know, maybe because I just participated in a lot of the sports and things. But I was the one who stood up to the bully in the playground who was picking on someone because I couldn't watch that. So obviously I'd get in trouble. Um, at the time, no one taught me how to be diplomatic with words, so I used fists and kicks and stuff. Not proud of it, anyone listening. But that's my way of saying this is not acceptable. Um, the amount of times I was at my head teacher's office, please don't tell my parents, please don't tell my mom, she's going to deny my Friday treats and, you know, these were like my incentives. But even then I was fighting injustices. Now I'm fighting injustices more probably on a global scale, right, than just the playground. Um, because I can't stand for it. I just I don't know. That's why I said earlier when I can't be around something that I don't advocate. I just can't. Because that's not me living my true light.
Dr Rupy: I remember actually, you you did uh, you started a campaign trying to change the stereotype of those with physical disfigurements in Hollywood and the media industry being portrayed in a negative light. So they always appear to be the villain in, you know, your typical escapist film. Um, how how how has that been received?
Tulsi: Oh, it's been so good because um, the BFI have um, the British Film Industry Institute, sorry, haven't um, produced any movies after that based on any villains with a visible difference. So they're really hot on that. Um, as for Hollywood, you know, we've got a long way to go there, not really that long, but we've got to get more conversations happening.
Dr Rupy: Absolutely, because I think we we tend to go through life without realising the stigma attached to facial disfigurements or any disfigurements. And, you know, it's it's not until someone like yourself actually points that out that you actually realise and the penny drops. I was I was completely unaware of how how obvious that was until you brought it up, until I came across that.
Tulsi: Well, even for me, like growing up being called Freddy Krueger. So when I when I grew up being called that, to me, I thought it was cool. But to me, I thought the word ugly was cool because that's all I knew. So for me, I thought that's probably who I am. Until I looked up in the dictionary what ugly meant. I went, oh wow, is that how people see me? Okay. So when I learned people calling me Freddy Krueger, again, I thought, wow, that's quite cool because I didn't know who he was. And I've come home and I've told my uncle and um, he's like, who said that to you? And I was like, whoa. He got really angry and I thought, okay, have I said something bad? He goes, do you not let anyone call you that? And I said, why? He goes, you know that film you used to watch that's scary and this guy did this? And I went, yeah, he goes, that's what they're calling you. I went, what? But again, I never associated with the whole villain and someone with a scar because I didn't make the connection. But it's only when I got involved with like changing faces with this campaign, and I realised the severity and the damage that this causes on a big scale.
Dr Rupy: You you've been involved in some other campaigns, right? Um, with beauty brands and quite well-known companies. How's that been?
Tulsi: It's been fun. It's been um, Avon recently for their 60-year um, celebrations, anniversaries. So it was like a women empowered thing. Um, what else have I done? I've done a photo shoot with Rankin, which was amazing. Really good experience. Um, portrait positive. Um, just trying to think of who else I've worked with, but you know, but I think I'm just hot on just accepting beauty is an individual thing. Um, like for me, even when I do my talks and I talk about breaking stereotypes about beauty and looks and confidence, I always say like, my version of beautiful is not your version of it, because I own my beauty. You need to go and find your own. I'm not for, I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's fine. I'm okay with that. But years ago, I felt like I had to be part of the mold and be part of the masses. And I don't need to. And I'm hot on that because the amount of pressure we carry, especially then being a woman, we, you know, dissect everything about us. And a lot of it we put on ourselves.
Dr Rupy: What do you make of the whole body positivity movement and the body confidence movement at the moment? Because it seems to be gaining a lot of attention on at least social media.
Tulsi: Um, I think, well, I think it's good we're getting more awareness. Um, but for me, like, I don't participate with everything because there might be certain things or certain ways everyone's doing it that doesn't work with me. Um, but that's not to say I don't support the actual message behind what they do. Um, but I have my kind of own way of doing about it. I do it in my school talks, I do it when I do my motivational speaking, I do it when I meet someone one to one in the the shop that I work in. So I do it that way. Um, I guess I'm one of those people who don't want to be really out there. I'm not bothered about followers, I'm not bothered if you like my post or don't. I post because I share. What you get out of it is up to you. You know, I'm very much like that. So there've been times where I feel like I should be part of this campaign and I should be that and I should be the face of that. But if it doesn't sit well with my ethos, I can't also be part of something as well.
Dr Rupy: Absolutely. And playing devil's advocate, do you think we risk undermining the overall mission by making it quite trendy almost for brands to sort of seek out to be edgy or different and perhaps for one of a better word, take advantage of the situation and the current sort of trend?
Tulsi: I think it can happen that way because we we can be like, we get over excited and then we're going to be the first brand to do this and then the first brand to do that. But it's like, do you actually believe in it or are you doing it for publicity reasons? Because there's a difference. Because if you believe in something, then you'll go the whole hog. But if you don't, you'll be like a one hit wonder. And that's the problem, right?
Dr Rupy: Yeah, that is. And you you've been involved with the Katie Piper's Foundation.
Tulsi: Yeah. So I, um, that's how I started my journey of sort of, um, self-acceptance as well. It's the first time I'm meeting, um, adults with burns. And, um, suddenly realising that I'm no different. And it's nice because you're, we all understood each other. And because my burns journey was a long time ago, so when some of them used to talk about, we use this cream, do you feel this? And I'm like, oh my god, yeah, I get that. Like, you know, tight scars and, and it was nice because it's like somebody who finally understands. Um, and then learning that if I was able to see my peers as beautiful, why wasn't I able to see myself as that? Like, how did I exempt myself from that? And that's where my journey of self-love started.
Dr Rupy: Yeah, let's talk about that because that's something that's fairly recent for you.
Tulsi: Yeah, so that started in 2013. Um, where, well, 2012 when I met the Katie Piper Foundation, um, I've obviously met Katie herself, and it was just nice and refreshing to meet someone young, who's a woman, and who just gets it. Gets the, like, the stuff she's had to push through to be visible is amazing. And she makes doing things okay. Like, to be, you know, a model, to be a brand ambassador, to all the things, you can be anything you want to be because it's possible, and your scars shouldn't hold you back. And I think that is what is incredible about her. And that's what's good that she's almost given us a platform to raise our bar as well within ourselves. And I think that's really powerful. So my journey with self-love also started when I met my um, Reiki practitioner. And um, it was just at a time I was feeling really lost within myself. A few people around me could see it. They're like, I had no sense of direction, like, where am I going with this? I'm kind of done with the Pilates in that I can't physically teach because I wasn't so well. Now what? What else is there to me? And then, um, got, met my practitioner. My auntie said, look, if this doesn't work out, um, I'll help you with some hypnotherapy and let's see what we can do. That particular day I went to see this practitioner, um, can I mention his name? Of course. Mahendra. Yes, so Mahendra, um, I met him 2013. And what was incredible was he was so warm, so inviting. And I thought, it's such a nice sunny day that particular day. And I thought, if nothing else happens in this session, at least I'll be nice and relaxed, if nothing else. So no expectation. And um, I don't know how much you're aware of chakras and things like that, but like mine were all over the place. I was quite aware of it because I've done pranic healing before. So it's energy healing. Um, and I said to him, my solar plexus has left my body and never come back. So he thought, well, okay. And when he came to detecting my solar plexus, he goes, I can't even find it. And he goes, you've got no self-worth. And that's when it hit me. I was like, yeah, I know. I don't. So this false confidence I was carrying was literally that. It was false confidence because internally, I was numb. Externally, I showed the life and soul of the party, everyone's friend. Wow, she's so confident, brilliant. But that's not how I felt inside.
Dr Rupy: What do you think was the reason behind not having that actual self-worth versus the external self-worth? Because I I I think a lot of extroverts might suffer from that. People who on the surface appear to be completely normal, but inside they're carrying a lot of weight.
Tulsi: It's because we're just portraying to the world who we want, like, this is what's going to make me cool. So what made me cool was every party I went, not even joking, there was champagne out there. As soon as I'd walked somewhere, there was cocktails, there was people like, oh, T, oh my god, you're here, you know. I enjoyed that. The attention was great. But come home, I was crying because it's like, I'm not that beautiful woman that I saw in the bar. I'm not that lovely girl. I'm not going to be the one with the long legs. I'm not going to be, you know, be the one with the perfect skin. So every night after a night out, that's how it ended. But no one saw that because I never exposed that. And this is the danger of like social media, right? I mean, I talked about this earlier with you was, I live a transparent life because I can't live any other life because for me, that's doing injustice to myself. So what I post out there is who I am. I'm no different to what you see me on social media, to the way I talk. It's just me. And I set my own precedent, but that doesn't mean that's yours, you know? And that's why when I was the extrovert, I wanted to show the world. So after the 500th selfie, I choose that one because it had the angles, it had the lighting, there was no scars on display, my hair was immaculate. And that's what I wanted to show the world. But yet they'd meet me in a job interview and be like, who's that? So where's authenticity then? Right? So, and that's when I decided I can't do this anymore. I can't be that person anymore.
Dr Rupy: And how did you even start? Because I think a lot of people would listen to that and be like, yeah, that's actually me. You know, I'm that kind of person that puts this facade on and, you know, reaps the attention, the likes, the social currency. Um, but actually internally, they're pretty lost.
Tulsi: Well, thing is, look, you're going to spend the rest of your life with yourself. That's who you're going to be with, right? Whether partners come and go, people come and go, you're going to be with you the whole of your time. You want to be with someone you like. Right? You don't want to be with someone you hate. What's the point? You know? So you've got to look at what you like about yourself first. And really sit down and own it. We live, like, in Britain, and this is a cultural thing. We're not allowed to celebrate good things. It's almost like, wow, you're so full of yourself. Even if you achieve something, it's like, oh, what's the big deal? But yeah, like, for example, America, which I know because a lot of my friends, wow, well done. Like, even if you walked up the street by yourself, it's a big thing. Why? Because it is a big thing. If you've been stuck in bed with depression or anxiety, you can't even have a shower, and you've managed to walk up your street, that's an achievement. So recognise that though. Don't downplay it. I think the problem is we downplay a lot of things here. And that's why we don't ever feel fulfilled. And we're always chasing this more that's put upon us. But look at your own more. So I was chasing the best type of job, the best type of, I'm not being funny, right? I'm no disrespect here. What's the point of chasing all these fancy cars when you can only drive one at a time? Like, legit. I don't even have a driveway. So, come on, right? So let me just be realistic. So, but chase it because it fulfills you, not because it's put upon you. Asian culture, if you're not got the best job, if you're not got the job title, if you haven't got this, then you're nobody. So when I took myself out of that rat race, because I realised I'm not a rat, the game's over, right? There's no control now. So that's what it is. I I started to look at all the good things about me. And I went, actually, I am a good human being.
Dr Rupy: I I heard you say something like, we're going to use my quotes on me now. No, I heard you say it was something really touching because I know the story of you fighting with your brother to try and to look out the window because you wanted to look at the blue skies and the green fields. And something like, now I take every opportunity to look at the green fields and the blue skies.
Tulsi: Oh, I I sit by the window even now. It's a must.
Dr Rupy: And it's taking that gratitude for like the simplest things in life that we we overlook because like you said, it's nothing to talk about, it's nothing to celebrate. And when in actuality, it is. In actuality, you know, the rain, the grey clouds, the wind brushing against your fingers as you walk down the street. These are all things that we need to savour.
Tulsi: But you know what, we're never taught gratitude, are we? We always just take everything for granted. We live like that. And that's quite horrible because you're living a really limited life. How can you live a limited life? You've been given this opportunity. It's not about money. So if someone comes and says, well, I can't afford to do that, it doesn't take a lot to do practice gratitude. It's free. Living a limited life is not about money. It's about changing your mindset. I do 10 gratitudes before I wake up.
Dr Rupy: Oh, do you?
Tulsi: 10 gratitudes before I go to sleep. I do it with my niece, she's six. That girl is blossoming. She doesn't need to worry about the tomorrow. She just needs to make sure I've got today sorted so that her tomorrow's taken care of. And she's six. So it's doable.
Dr Rupy: Absolutely. We were talking a little bit earlier about how you realised that some of the eating habits that you had were out of emotion or out of loss of connection with your maternal side. What was that? Can you explain a bit more about that?
Tulsi: Yeah, so I'm very like, I'm very mechanical when it comes to my mind. Um, I need to break things down and work, work in that kind of process. So I was looking at, why do I eat a packet of crisps? Like, I understand if it's a flavour you're addicted to, I get it. But for me, it was anything. It didn't matter. So why am I doing that? So I started to look back on it. And my connection with crisps is I associate with my mom because I actually I used to fight with her in the morning to have it for breakfast. Whereas my brother who was a goody two shoes, he used to have his cereal and toast and whatever. And I wanted the crisp. I used to fight with her. So that obsession with eating crisp became bigger and bigger. But it was known, it was like that was T's diet. And then, but now, like, since about three, four years ago, I started to do some different meditations. In after that particular meditation, like mindful eating actually it was, when I went to eat that first packet of crisp after that, my favourite cheese and onion, I didn't enjoy it. I was like, hey, what's happened here? Am I ill? Uh, maybe not. And maybe it's the packet, it could be, I don't know, the batch that's gone off. So my cousin went and got another one from a different place, not connected, and I didn't enjoy it. All I could taste was salt and oil. I couldn't taste the onion flavour. Now, come on, cheese and onion is really strong. Like, whichever way you are, even if you're on antibiotics and you've got no taste buds. I couldn't taste it. I just tasted oil. I was like, that is weird. And it grossed me out. So I thought, try a different kind, like Quavers or whatever, same thing. I thought, right, there's some signal here. But I didn't play pay too much attention to be fair. But then about three, four weeks ago recently, um, a big sort of awakening happened within me. But I actually acknowledged that I hadn't mourned my mom, not the loss of my mom, but the love I didn't receive post-accident. So that maternal love because I've been denying it. Because for me, it was like, what's the point of wanting that love when it's not available? Like, she's not here. So what's the point of crying about something that's not here? That same line, what's the point of crying is what we're all brought up to believe. What's the point of crying? And it's because of that is why we suppress things. Um, you know this more than anyone as being a man, you weren't allowed to show emotion, you're not allowed to, what do you need to cry about that for? Well, you need to cry because it's an emotion, it's a feeling. It's something that's affecting you. And it's okay. It doesn't mean you're going to do that for the rest of your life because it's just a momentary thing. But in that moment is where we punish ourselves, isn't it? That little moment. But that's the bit we need to be kind about that moment, not hate that moment or or feel guilty for that moment. And so when I cried, this is really weird why I did this, but I took a picture of me crying. And I looked back and I thought, God, I look really awful as a crying person. There's people who look good when they cry. I don't look good when I cry. But aside that, I wanted to post about it. And I still held back. Why? Because it's like, why am I worried about what other people are going to say if I'm not bothered what I post out there? And it took me a week to post still. And it wasn't because I was scared to post. I'm just like, do I want to show this side of me though? What is that achieving? Because every time I post something, I always go with the thing of, what is this going to achieve? And the amount of messages I've got after that has been incredible. Like, thank you so much for showing me it's okay to cry. And even positive people cry. I said, you perceived me to be a positive person. I don't hold the notion I'm positive or negative. I'm just being. And they were like, wow. I've had, I cannot tell you how many men have messaged me to say, thank you, like, you just putting that out there have just made it acceptable to cry.
Dr Rupy: It's almost like the attachment that we have to uh, whether it's, you know, our extrovert uh, persona, whether it's attachment to materialism, whether it's attachment to even our close friends and family and not wanting to disappoint. I think attachment is a really important thing that I think a lot of people understand and it's something that you've had experiences with.
Tulsi: Oh, I mean, attachment is massive, right? We attach everything to everybody else. I mean, my thing is, I'm a very um, I'm a transparent person, but I'm very much a person who takes full account of their own actions and behaviours and thoughts. And I've been very mindful of that for a long time. I live a very conscious life as much as I can. Not perfect, but um, no, but like for me, I take accountability for things, but what we have is this thing about blaming others. And when we blame others, it's because we attach our emotions to them. So I'm not saying we don't have attachments, we do. If you have a child, of course you're going to be, that's inevitable, but we also got to let them grow. We can't do everything for them. Um, so we have relationships, we blame each other for the breakdown. But where do we take our accountability of it? Where do we take our responsibility? Because it's in that we're able to detach our emotions. We shouldn't put happiness on anyone else's lap. It's in ours. Sure, an action or something they do makes you feel extra happy, but that's just a moment. But this internal happiness that you're having within, it's always going to be with you. If people, like people on the tube look at me weird when I'm smiling. I'm like, how can you not? I don't get it. I don't get it. Like, I just, someone educate me, why would you not smile? Um, I can smile now because thanks to Dr. Patel who's released my lovely scars around my mouth, I can.
Dr Rupy: So the first time I was going to Australia, like the bit from Singapore to Sydney, nine hours, this woman who's scared of flying, she goes, what if the plane crashes? And I'm like, at which point do I tell her? At which point? Oh my god. How long was the flight as well?
Tulsi: Nine hours. Oh my word. Did you tell her in the end?
Dr Rupy: I had to tell her.
Tulsi: I said, look, I've survived a plane crash. She went, oh crap. I was like, yeah. She goes, I'm so sorry. I said, it's okay. She goes, how did you survive it? I go, I'm here. I don't know.
Dr Rupy: So even that, like the opportunity to to be able to smile is something you'd want to exercise.
Tulsi: Yeah, absolutely. Who cares about the fine lines? Just go for it. But you know, but like this attachment thing, we have attachment to material things, a car, a house. But if you took all that away and you ask yourself who am I, what are you going to be able to say? I was a landowner, I was this. Is that relevant in the grand scheme of it? Or I am a amazing listener, I'm a compassionate person. Isn't that more valuable? Like, I don't know, that to me is, it's not to everybody, but if you strip away everything about you, who are you? Who are you? And that's the kind of question I pose because if you don't know who you are, that's quite sad.
Dr Rupy: What is your mission going forward?
Tulsi: My mission is, and it sounds really weird when I say this, but death is always my biggest drive in life because I don't know where my last moment is. So whenever my last moment is, I'm going to say, I did everything you gave me and that's it, I'm done. That for me is it. So I, whatever my capacity and ability is to do something, I want to do it. Um, as for my mission, it's to spread love and compassion because with that, we can do so much more. A person can fly. The limitations that they're living in their mind, you can go because someone is not judging you. I've lived with stigma, judgment, ashamed, guilt. I never shared my stories. It's like, I was made to believe like, what's the point of sharing something like that? Now, I'm sharing it. Look how many people are like messaging me going, thank you, like, you've given me courage to leave the house. I don't know which part of the story they resonate with, but something has given them a reason to leave the house. Now, for me, if that's not it, then I don't know. That's to me, that's big. And that's why I want to continue doing. But my biggest thing in injustice is children. Like, I can't watch that suffering because they are obviously the future, as I know, cliche as it is, but do we not want to give them a better, better start in life than kind of maybe what we had maybe? In terms of limited lives because of the conversations we grew up with, we can change that. Somebody says, you know, what age is it acceptable to do meditation, for example? Day one. Day one is acceptable. Why not? You change the record. You change how it works.
Dr Rupy: I can't wait to see what else you do. And you're going to Australia soon, right?
Tulsi: Yeah. No one disturb me, please.
Dr Rupy: That's amazing. I can't wait to see what else you do going forward. And your story, your love, your energy, it's great to be able to even have the opportunity to chat to you face to face. I've heard you speak and I've been following you for like years now ever since I saw you at that W event. And um, yeah, you're going from strength to strength and I just can't wait to see.
Tulsi: But I feel the same about you. So I felt more excited to do this than you probably to do it. You've inspired me, especially with food. Like like I said, because that's been my biggest journey. But you've just made it look so easy and it tasted divine, like seriously.
Dr Rupy: Good, good. I'm glad you got, you can come anytime. Anytime you want to be back on, you want to have some food, definitely. More than happy.
Tulsi: See you next week then.
